Real Men Can Relate: Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0

*If your are a sensitive girlfriend/wife, I advise you not to read this.

*If you consider yourself an extreme feminist, do not read this.

*This is intended for humor only, please don't take it too seriously.

*Stereotype gender roles are included on this one but again, please don't take it too seriously.

     This one has been on the bin for so long but it's recently making its rounds online again, might as well share it. People who work as Tech Support often get preposterous e-mails but surprisingly, this one has a point and is really worth a good laugh. The original source is unknown but note that the credit goes to whoever this smart-ass was. I don't know if his wife would be pleased to know that he was the author of this one though.

WARNING!!!

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO UNINSTALL ONCE YOU ALREADY HAVE IT IN YOUR SYSTEM

DO NOT UPGRADE YOUR GF TO WIFE

Dear Tech Support Team,

     Last year, I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities. Applications such as BachelorNight 10.3, PlayBall 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0, but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

     Please help!!!

Thanks,

"A Troubled User"

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User,

     This is a very common problem that people complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0. It is quite impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.

(Look into your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support)

     I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the environment. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

     Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5, and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software Dresses 2.1 and Jewelry 5.0.

WARNING: DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system and to your computer as well.

OH, WHAT A MESS !!!!!